


More Happy Days

by h_itoshi



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: And then some fluff, Angst, Happy Ending, I blame the christmas message video and twitter for this, I'm very sensitive about yamachi not being THE otp right now okay, Lots of Crying, M/M, mentions of cheating, so here's my happy ending don't touch me, with make-up sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_itoshi/pseuds/h_itoshi
Summary: It’s not like Chinen’s perfect; he knows he’s made mistakes too. But ultimately, this fight is Yamada’s fault and he’s not going to bother trying to make up when Yamada clearly doesn’t find it important enough to do it.
Relationships: Chinen Yuri/Yamada Ryosuke
Comments: 10
Kudos: 20





	More Happy Days

**Author's Note:**

> I am WAY too fragile for this shit boys. Just be happy. Would someone just love Yamada he needs it please.  
> But, at least I'm here writing Yamachi again for the almost first time since. January? Did you miss me? Probably not orz

”Chinen.”

Chinen draws a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second to gather some strength against the familiar voice.

”Get lost Ryosuke.” He replies calmly, tugging the borrowed shirt over his head a little rougher than he intended.

There’s a moment of silence, and Chinen figures he gave up. As usual.

To be fair, that pisses him off the most. Yamada might do and say stupid shit a lot, but what’s worst is that he can’t gather the courage to properly apologize. Chinen just has to look at him to shut him up these days, and he hates it. Hates seeing Yamada’s wounded look as he turns away, hates seeing how he walks around feeling sorry for himself when he could fix it.

It’s not like Chinen’s perfect; he knows he’s made mistakes too. But ultimately, this fight is Yamada’s fault and he’s not going to bother trying to make up when Yamada clearly doesn’t find it important enough to do it.

He tosses the sweatshirt aside and reaches for his own T-shirt, purposely stretching a little because he knows Yamada’s watching him. A little reminder what he’s missing out on serves him right.

”We’re leaving now!” Hikaru calls pointedly, and Yabu offers an awkward “bye” before the door slamming shut behind them rings loud in the silence of the now almost empty dressing room.

Chinen rolls his eyes. He finds it equally degrading and embarrassing that their relationship mess gets to the group, because they promised once that it wouldn’t. But that was 2011, before Yamada’s massive fame and the both of them growing up, before mental health issues and Yamada cheating on him with some goddamn model girl.

Chinen never fully forgave him for that, no matter the extenuating circumstances, even if he eventually accepted the apology. It made their relationship fragile, the trust that always tied them together shaken in its foundation and Chinen doesn’t know what to believe anymore. Usually, he has faith in Yamada, because the way he came home a mess, cried on his knees on the floor and begged for forgiveness wasn’t anything but sheer desperation. Desperation in order to keep Chinen, and he’s convinced Yamada would do anything not to lose him. But when he’s angry, or hurt, he doesn’t trust a word Yamada speaks, and that's when it feels like they'll inevitably have to break up.

But it hasn’t gotten to that point yet, and right now, they’re locked in this cold dance around each other where Chinen refuses to take the first step closer and Yamada is too scared to.

Chinen picks up his phone from his bag and stares blindly at the screen, making it very clear he’s ignoring Yamada’s presence behind him without actually leaving.

Because it hurts even more to leave. It’s better to stand around and be angry, to hate Yamada for not fixing this, to smell his cologne and know that he can be as angry as he needs. When he leaves, it all comes crashing down on him. How lonely he is, that the anger is just a protective wall to hide how hurt and broken he feels. How he wants nothing more than for everything to be okay, for them to stop provoking one another and just be together because that’s what they’re meant to be.

He wishes he could show it, but he can’t, the anger rising up like a shield as soon as Yamada’s close, and it makes him do everything he can to break through Yamada’s own shield of indifference. Holds Inoo’s hand, cuddles with Daiki, flirts with Takaki and sometimes even Yuto, just to see Yamada’s eyes darken in jealousy and he relishes in how he can hurt Yamada back. But it’s a toxic joy and he knows that in the end, it’s only painful for both of them.

”No.”

The word startles him enough that he looks up from his phone screen, because there’s a determination behind it that he didn’t expect. Like Yamada’s finally willing to put up a fight.

Yamada’s looking back at him, his expression resolute but his eyes fragile, and it makes Chinen so angry. Yamada doesn’t have any right to feel fragile, not when it’s all his fault.

”I’m not talking to you.” Chinen says harshly, tossing his phone back into his bag in a way of letting out his frustration and grabs his jacket, ready to head out.

”But I’m talking to you!” Yamada raises his voice, and Chinen pauses instinctively, watching the same anger he feels flare up in Yamada’s brown orbs.

Yamada watches him for a moment, clearly taking in Chinen's reaction, trying to read if he's still going to leave or not. Chinen notices his hands are shaking where he stands.

“I'm so done with this.” Yamada says, and the way his voice cracks a little with desperation hints at the pain behind the anger. “I'm done standing next to you smiling like nothing is wrong, I'm done watching you rub up against Inoo and Daiki. And I'm so fucking done trying to reach out for you and you refusing to let me!”

The words ring loud in the room, and Chinen silently wonders what Yamada means with that last part. If it's the past few weeks in general, or if it's the way he withdrew his hand when Yamada tried to reach for it earlier today.

He knows it was part of the game to hold hands, but Yamada didn't have to seek him out. Daiki didn't have to encourage it in the first place, but Yamada didn't have to go along with it. Shouldn't have. So Chinen withdrew his hand when it wasn't absolutely necessary for them to hold on to each other. He tries to tell himself it was to prove a point, that Yamada didn't deserve to touch him right now, but he knows deep down that he hated how good it felt to hold Yamada's hand in his. How much he missed his touch.

“So if you're not going to let me set this straight just-” Yamada cuts himself off with a shaky sigh and Chinen sees the gloss in his eyes, and he loathes himself so much for being affected by it. For not wanting to see Yamada cry when he should want to see him cry until he has no more tears to shed. “Just tell me to my face that we're over so I can...”

He trails off, the shaky sigh turning into something like a sob before he bites his lip and tries to blink away the tears, breaking eye contact and crossing his arms over his chest protectively.

Chinen watches him for a few long seconds, how he draws deep breaths and straightens his back to try and remain in control of himself. He sees all the things he hates about him, how he's lost weight and how Chinen knows it's his fault for making Yamada miserable. Hates how much he affects Yamada, how he's the one to blame for Yamada not being happy, not eating, not doing a good job. Sees the way he tenses his jaw when he's about to break and how he hates when it happens. When Yamada is so fragile Chinen can crush him like a delicate glass sculpture under his boot. Hates what that destructive power does to him.

But underneath all the dark, ugly feelings, somewhere deep in his heart, he still panics at Yamada using the unspeakable words. Even if he hates Yamada right now, if he wants him crushed and crying, they can't be over.

“You're despicable.” Chinen finally speaks up, and Yamada turns back to look at him, eyes still brimming with unshed tears but his expression is unreadable. “You're a coward and I hate you for it.”

Yamada wets his lips, a tear finally freeing itself from his lashes but he doesn't break. If he did, Chinen would walk out.

“I know I am.” He says, voice low and quiet, but his eyes fix Chinen in place and he can't make himself spit him in the face and walk away like he wants to at the admission of weakness. “I'm terrified to do anything that makes this worse, terrified to do fucking anything at all because I don't want you to decide you're better off without me and I-”

He cuts himself off, drawing a deep breath and averts his eyes to the ceiling for a second to steady his voice before he goes on. “And I know I'm hopeless for crying and you hate it, I know I'm stupid for being so scared I can't even talk to you and say how sorry I am, because I'm so, _so_ sorry, and I just want us to be okay.”

Chinen bites his lip, hard, feeling the familiar heat of tears forming in his own eyes as the anger falters and he wants to just give in and hug Yamada tight and say that it's all he wants too. But he shouldn't, because it'll only come back to this again and again until they're too worn out to go on.

“If you know all that, why do you keep doing it?” He asks quietly, his voice thankfully still holding up despite how much his throat burns with the threat of tears. “Why should I forgive you when we just keep ending up here?”

“I-” Yamada starts, but then has to pause to breathe, and Chinen sees the frustration on his face at how much he wants to speak but his voice won't let him. “I never should have said what I did. I'm lashing out because I'm scared and I know this is all my fault. I just- I feel like you hold all the power over me after... What happened. And it scares me.”

Chinen knows. He knows how _she_ came out of nowhere and wrecked their relationship, how after the unpleasant incident, Yamada would walk around him like on glass. Like if he even breathed the wrong way Chinen would snap. It made Chinen furious, to know that Yamada was constantly watching himself, trying to please him and be whatever Chinen wanted him to be. Acting like a walking reminder of what happened and what it did to them.

“I do too. And I hate that feeling.” Chinen agrees, and Yamada wipes a tear with his black hoodie sleeve in irritation at how they keep running down his cheeks. “I hate what you did to us. I hate it so much and I'm scared to death that we can't get past this and I don't-”

It's his turn to cut himself off, the idea of them having to break up for real causing his whole chest to tighten up, not giving him any air and he feels the tears forming in his eyes.

“I don't want to lose you.” Chinen gets the words out, and just like that, all the anger drains from him and he's left with the pain, his entire body hurting at the prospect of not being with Yamada. He covers his mouth with his hand to try and stop himself from ugly crying, but it doesn't really help.

He looks away to try and will down the tears, but he still sees him approach and he doesn't mind.

Yamada's strong arms wrapping around him feels like coming home, and Chinen sneaks arms around his waist to clutch at his back and hold him close, desperately embracing him with all the fear he just felt about losing him. Yamada's hugging him tight, and they're both crying. He can feel Yamada's hot breaths through his T-shirt and it makes him hug him even tighter as he nearly suffocates himself with Yamada's hoodie.

“I love you. So much.” Yamada finally whispers into his hair, and Chinen can listen to him saying that forever. “More than anything. Please forgive me.”

Chinen nods against his shoulder, carefully letting up on his death grip at Yamada's back, his fingers protesting a little after holding tight for so long. “I love you too.”

Yamada breathes a deep sigh of relief, and Chinen tears up a little again at how he genuinely thought Chinen wouldn't forgive him this time. “I'm sorry I'm such a jerk.”

That actually makes Chinen smile through his tears, and when Yamada pulls back enough to look at his face, it lures a small smile to his lips as well.

“I love that, too. Usually.” Chinen says softly, reaching up to brush back a strand of brown hair that's stuck in the salty moisture on Yamada's cheek, and Yamada smiles, looking the most beautiful he ever does despite the red eyes and blotchy face. “Just please stop being so scared of me giving up on you because I can tell and it's driving me crazy.”

Yamada's smile fades and he nods once, expression sincere and voice soft. “I'll try my best.”

“I just. Want to forget it happened.” Chinen says, and Yamada predictably winces, looking like he couldn't agree more, but Chinen goes on before he can vocalize it. “And I can't forget when you're so nervous everything about you reminds me of it.”

“I'm sorry.” Yamada mumbles, and it's as if he can feel Chinen's mind drifting back to picturing things he doesn't want to see, Yamada with that girl he refuses to call by her name even though he knows it, knows _her_ because she's been Yamada's friend for years. Until she wasn't just a friend anymore.

Yamada's lips against his own pulls Chinen right back out of the imagery in his head like a lifeline helping him return to reality, the reality of plush lips that taste like salt kissing him like he's the only person in the world. His arms relocate from Yamada's waist to wrap around his neck instead, returning the kiss and trying to convey his own apology for being so difficult with it.

Yamada slowly walks him backwards towards the wall, and Chinen sighs into the kiss when his back meets a solid surface and Yamada presses him against it. Their kiss deepens and it tastes like making up, like tears and desperation and relief, and Chinen gets a hand in Yamada's hair to keep him right where he is.

Yamada's body feels so good against his own, warm and strong and safe and Chinen almost wants to cry some more just because this is the way it's supposed to be. But he settles on showing his feelings through his kiss instead, and Yamada makes a small sound that could have been either a sob or a moan into it.

It makes Chinen clutch tighter at him, one arm moving back to Yamada's waist while his fingers wrap around the short brown strands at the back of his head, and the next noise Yamada makes is definitely a moan.

Yamada's got one arm around Chinen's waist, pulling him tighter up against him, and one on his hip, teasing fingers down the side of his thigh and back up again and it feels way too good. The first grind of their hips together make them both gasp and the kiss breaks as they pause to look at each other.

This is the worst possible place and they both know it, but Chinen's not sure he could stop himself even if he wanted to right now, not when they've gone weeks without as much as looking at each other. Yamada seems to feel the same way, his pupils blown wide and cheeks flushed for a different reason now, and Chinen doesn't hesitate to use the hand in Yamada's hair to pointedly pull _down_.

Yamada drops to his knees so willingly Chinen's nerves spark with arousal, and he tries not to feel too smug about how easy that was. He glances at the closed dressing room door, but he's not too worried, almost wants someone to walk in and catch them like this so those stupid rumours about Yamada and that girl would stop.

The thought makes him a little rough, and Yamada lets out a small whine when Chinen tugs too hard at his hair. It makes Chinen's focus shift, and he carefully moves his hand to stroke through the styled brown locks instead, silently apologizing.

He watches Yamada getting his loose jeans open, the look in his eyes focused like he's doing the most important thing he knows, and Chinen affectionately caresses his cheek with his free hand as Yamada pulls his clothing out of the way.

A long sigh slips from his lips as Yamada doesn't hesitate to lean in and take him in his mouth, the wet heat almost as good as the pretty picture he makes on his knees with his lips stretched around Chinen's erection. His eyes are closed and Chinen can see the glitter of a leftover tear in his eyelashes as he moves to take in more, a hand coming up to grasp the base and hold him still.

Chinen's head falls back against the wall, eyes closed as his hips flex forward slowly enough not to throw Yamada's rhythm off, and he tries to keep his moans quiet but he doesn't entirely manage.

The heat is already pooling in his stomach, and he lets his head tip forward again in order to watch Yamada's lips leave shiny saliva on his skin, watch him hollow his cheeks and for the thousandth time be amazed that this beautiful man wants him.

Chinen's biting his lip against his noises that grow in pitch and frequency by the second, and Yamada hums against his skin, tonguing the slit and sucking harder. Chinen tries to thrust up, get that final push over the edge, but Yamada's hand on his hip holds him still and it makes a whiny noise leave his lips.

He can feel Yamada's lips curve a little in what would have been a smile if his mouth wasn't full, and then he glances up, eyes mischievous and knowing and Chinen loses it, getting the beginning of a swearword out before a white hot orgasm rips violently through his body.

Yamada clearly sensed it coming because he pulls off within the first millisecond of Chinen spurting over his tongue, but doesn't move away, and Chinen watches in awe how his come spreads across Yamada's cheek, temple, some sticking his bangs. It only takes him higher, and he's gasping for breath as Yamada presses a final, suckling kiss to the tip of his softening erection before letting him go, tucking him back into his pants while the come starts to run down his cheek.

Chinen's hand is trembling as he reaches up to brush his fingertips through the substance on Yamada's skin, not caring about how what a mess he makes as he lets his palm cup Yamada's cheek, slowly stroking that hand back through Yamada's hair and getting it a lot stickier than it was.

Yamada smiles up at him, a satisfied, dazzling smile that means that every word of praise Chinen could give him right now was already conveyed, and Chinen unceremoniously drops to his knees to kiss that beautiful smile. It fades under Chinen's lips as Yamada kisses him back desperately, an arm raising to wrap around Chinen's neck as his hips roll up in search of attention.

Chinen fumbles with Yamada's pants but finally gets them open enough to slip his hand inside, wrapping fingers tight around Yamada's erection and strokes him exactly the way he knows feels best, no intention of teasing.

Yamada whimpers into his mouth, hips pushing up and Chinen knows he's far gone. When he feels Yamada starting to shudder and he's too distracted to kiss back, Chinen ducks his head down, pushing enough fabric out of the way to wrap his lips around the head of Yamada's erection and swallow his orgasm. It tastes bitter but Yamada's moaning is sweet enough to make up for it, and Chinen figures swallowing is easiest when they don't have clothes to change into anyway.

He gently keeps sucking until Yamada pushes him away with an oversensitive whine, and he sits back up, carefully tucking Yamada back into his pants much like Yamada did for him.

Yamada's watching him do it, his shallow, quick breathing slowly returning to normal, and Chinen has to smile at how his hair is sticking up in a very suspicious way.

“You're beautiful.” He ends up saying, despite having intended to say something teasing, and Yamada smiles in embarrassment, making Chinen reflexively think that he doesn't tell Yamada that enough. “But a little crazy.”

He adds the last part as he strokes a finger through the sticky substance in a half dried state on Yamada's cheekbone, and Yamada raises his hand to take Chinen's in his own, lacing their fingers together in a much more intimate hand holding than they did for the cameras not an hour ago.

“I just wanted to feel you.” Yamada mumbles, and slowly brings their joined hands to his lips in order to press a kiss against Chinen's knuckles.

The words make Chinen feel things even if he doesn't know exactly what, if it's love or arousal or embarrassment or all of it, but it makes him lean in for another kiss, softer and less hurried than the previous ones.

“What are you gonna do about the hair?” Chinen asks softly when the kiss naturally fades into smiles, and Yamada breathes a small laugh.

“It's November. I have a hat.” He says, and Chinen laughs with him, thinking that no matter how painful things get when they don't get along, they're perfect together when they do.

“I love you.” Chinen says, again, and Yamada responds with the tiniest little kiss to his parted lips.

“I love you more.” He replies, and Chinen figures that they'll get through this. Together.

~*~


End file.
